Fart walks, drinkable mayonnaise, hounded by 100 raccoons
Vol. 12
In honor of a new year of No — and uhhh, 15 months of silence — here’s a dump of No You Might Have Missed in 2024.
Is food OK?
Move Over, Gels. Heinz Wants Runners to Refuel With Ketchup.
The Meme King of Longevity Now Wants to Sell You Olive Oil
Burt’s Bees, Hidden Valley Ranch Launch Chicken Wing Lip Balm
Heinz Hot Pink ‘Barbiecue’ Sauce Is Coming to Grills
TikTok’s Latest Wellness Trend Is Called Sexy Water
KFC’s Chizza Is a Chicken-Pizza Mashup. Why?
Pizza Hut Is Now Offering a ‘Tomato Wine’
Green Bean Casserole Seltzer Is Now a Thing
Drinkable Mayonnaise Is Now a Thing
Doritos Nacho Cheese-Flavored Booze Has Just Become a Reality
Are fashion and beauty OK?
It’s Not a Sneaker. It’s Not a Loafer. It’s a ‘Snoafer.’
A $12,000 Surgery to Change Eye Color Is Surging in Popularity
World’s First Beauty Pageant for AI Women Is Announced
The Latest Skincare Trend: Beef Fat
Crocs Unveils Cowboy Boots, Spurs and All
Is nature OK?
Couples Are Hiring Birds of Prey to Be Ring Bearers at Their Wedding
His Best Friend Was a Warthog. One Day It Decided to Kill Him.
They Got Their Son a Pet Octopus. Weeks Later, There Were 50 More
They Found Their Dream Home — So Did Thousands of Bats
Washington Woman Calls 911 After Being Hounded By 100 Raccoons
Axe Body Spray Finds an Unlikely New Customer: Grouchy Sheep
Seriously, Now Is the Time to Stop Kissing Sick Birds
Are demons OK?
Tucker Carlson Claims He Was Attacked By a Demon
Seeing a Demon When You Wake Up Is More Common Than You Think
The Rare Neurological Disorder Where People See ‘Demon Faces’
This is my confession
I Was Attacked by a Snake and a Hawk at the Same Time
I’m Sending My DNA to the Moon When I Die
I Own Nearly 3,000 VHS Tapes of ‘Titanic’
I Don’t Want to Die Wearing AirPods
I’m the ‘Testicle King’ and I Feed My 1-Year-Old Raw Testicles
Quick Qs
What’s Behind the Power of Tiny Eyeglasses?
Is the Era of ‘Brozempic’ Upon Us?
Is This Poop-Test Startup Just Wellness Theater?
Is the Pantyhose-as-Pants Look a Real Thing?
Is a $910 Fleece Actually Worth It?
Is Homer Simpson a Good Dad Now?
Can Staten Island Learn to Love Its Wild Turkeys?
Should You Wash Your Fruits and Vegetables in the Dishwasher?
Do You Really Need to Wash Your Shredded Cheese?
Can I Ask Straight Women to Stop Calling Their Pals ‘Girlfriends’?
Would You Get Braces Again — for Fun?
Is It Time for a More Subtle View on the Ultimate Taboo: Cannibalism?
Misc. No
This Flame-Throwing Robot Dog Can Now Be Yours for $9,420
A Quick ‘Fart Walk’ Might Be Just What You Need to End Your Day
Grindr Aims to Build the Dating World’s First AI ‘Wingman’
Party Barns Are the Hottest Amenity for UK’s Countryside Rich
Mark Zuckerberg Drops a New Musical Collab With T-Pain
Chick-fil-A Is Releasing Its Own Entertainment App
Teenagers Dressed as Furry Animals Attack People in New Craze
Tooth Fairy Inflation Is Here: $100 Bills and Louis Vuitton Bracelets
The $10,000 Baby Photo: ‘We Spent Less Than This on Our Wedding!’
Attorney Suspended for Leaving Poop-Filled Pringles Can in Parking Lot
Misc. Yes
A Top Pastry Chef Tests the XXL Croissant
Sticks. And the People Who Love Them.
Raccoon Busts Through Ceiling at LaGuardia Airport
Scientists Taught Rats to Drive — Now They Love It
Rescued Baby Hedgehog Turns Out to Be Hat Bobble
Consider me notified
~ PLEASE SHARE NO WITH FRIENDS AND ENEMIES! ~
❌❌❌,
Kira
dear kira,
thank you for compiling this delightful list.
love
myq